Going Away

On Needing A Breather, Embracing Uncertainty, And Choosing To Go Anyway

October 10, 2026 • Journal 003 • Mark Koolit

Is it only me, or does this happen to you as well?

The past few weeks haven’t been particularly great for me.

Nothing is necessarily wrong. From the outside, everything seems fine. But internally, I haven’t quite felt like myself. I’ve felt unmotivated, restless and increasingly aware that I needed a break — or at least a change of scenery.

Apparently, my response to this feeling is to start looking at flights.

I couldn’t decide between an all-inclusive holiday or a city break. Then I found an exceptionally good deal for Majorca. There was only one problem: the price was based on two people, and travelling alone made it considerably more expensive.

So I started asking around.

Family. Close friends. Even friends who live further away but who I thought might be spontaneous enough to say yes.

Some already had plans. Some couldn’t justify the expense at such short notice. Others would need a visa.

And that’s just adulthood, isn’t it?

You can have people you love and people who would genuinely like to spend time with you, but that doesn’t mean they’ll always be available when you are. Everyone has their own responsibilities, finances, schedules and lives to navigate.

For a moment, though, I was allowing that to decide whether I will go anywhere at all.

Then I thought about Porto.

I’ve been saying since earlier this year that I wanted to visit. I originally imagined going during summer, but apparently that wasn’t when it was supposed to happen.

So, autumn it is.

I booked the flight.

I’m going to Porto on my own.

I’ve travelled solo before, but this one feels slightly different. I’m pushing myself a little further outside my comfort zone. Instead of booking a hotel, I’m staying in a hostel — something I’ve wanted to experience for a while but never actually committed to.

I’m excited. I’m nervous. I don’t entirely know what to expect.

But I think that’s part of why I need to go.

There will always be things I’d rather experience with someone else. A holiday, a restaurant, a film, a city I’ve never seen before. And I don’t think wanting someone beside you makes an experience any less independent.

But I’m slowly learning that wanting company and needing company are two very different things.

Sometimes the people you want beside you simply can’t come.

The question then becomes whether their absence means you don’t go either.

My flight is booked.

Porto is waiting.

And this time, I’m going anyway.